


Playing Pretend

by Crazy4U



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Depressing, F/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-23
Updated: 2011-03-23
Packaged: 2017-10-17 05:51:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/173595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazy4U/pseuds/Crazy4U
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Equius has been tasked with creating a new body for Aradia, after the Team Charge debacle.  The high blood is tormented by his feelings for the dead girl, and by his utter devotion to the blood hierarchy.  Could this be the beginning of a beautiful romance, or insanity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Playing Pretend

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuation of my first fic "Rehabilitation", though you don't have to read that one first. Hopefully next time I can write something with Equius and Aradia that actually has Aradia in it.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

AG: Heeeeeeeey Equius!  
CT: D -- > Yes  
AG: How's the gr8est mechanic in the entire universe doing? Working hard I assume?  
CT: D -- > That is correct Though have just e%ited of the shower  
AG: Ew! TMI XXXXP  
CT: D -- > That is the opposite reaction you should have Cleanliness is e%tremely important especially when working on robots  
AG: Let's not talk about it. Instead I want to talk a8out progress! I want to 8la8er on and on a8out that 8eautiful word, especially when it involves a certain project you're working on. ;;;;)  
CT: D -- > Progress has indeed been made Remember one must be patient, as this requires considerable time and effort If one does not e%ert such then the end result will be most unsatisfactory  
AG: Let me guess, you got the outside, 8ody part, thing made, then you just stared at it for the rest of the night. Am I right? I know I'm right! I didn't even need an 8-8all to tell me that.  
CT: D -- > Although the chassis has been built I did not stare at it as you described However I e%amined it in detail to confirm that no mistakes were made  
AG: How much longer do you have to stare at her until you start working again?  
CT: D -- > Constructing her inner working will take considerable time There are the nerves, stimuli sensors, circulatory system, and many other complicated matters I have never built anything quite this comple% and metic001ous  
AG: You're making her anatomically correct. I didn't need to eat a thesaurus to figure that out, cause I know you soooooooo well! ::::)  
CT: D -- > Are you quite through with this harassment Do you have anything of important to inform me of How is your arm functioning  
AG: It's working alright, hasn't tried to viol8 me or anything. Oh! Guess who I talked to!!!!!!!!  
CT D -- > Who  
AG: Siiiiiiiigh, you're not even going to try are you. No matter, I talked to Aradia today.  
CT: D -- > Oh!  
CT: D -- > I mean, oh What did she have to say  
AG: She said that Sollux has made more progress then you have. He stays up l8 into the morning and everything. Don't you wish you were that awesome?  
CT: D -- > Did she mention me at all  
AG: Nope!  
AG: Your name never came up. Not once!  
CT: D-- > It's understandable It would be ine%cusable for a low b100d to talk about those higher than them behind their backs It is only polite  
CT: D -- > I think I sh001d go soon  
AG: I don't care what gross feelings you have for her, just get some work done. 8ut try to finish by the time the games ready. Gotta go! L8er! ::::)

arachnids Grip [AG] ceased trolling centaursTesticles [CT]

That conversation had gone less than satisfactory. For one thing, he had been hoping to speak with Nepeta. Working all night was difficulty and nerve wracking, even for the most skilled mechanic. Talking to Nepeta always made him feel better, like all the stress and rage would just melt away with her words (when she wasn't trying to talk him in into doing something foolish, or using coarse language).  
Unfortunately for him, the moment he signed onto Trollian, his neighbour wasted no time in hassling him. Vriska was good at using people, like tools that were only there to service her. Normally he would applaud such behavior, but it was aimed at him a majority of the time.

Equius stood up, and walked to the door. Even though it was getting late, he wanted to spend some more time examining and cleaning the empty chassis. After that, he would go to bed early, and get more work done. He took a few minutes to check up on Aurthour, who was still cleaning Vriska's blood out of the carpets. Troll blood was hard to clean, the poor old boy would be cleaning it out for the next few days.

The original reason he had stopped examining the robot was because of how uncomfortable it had made him feel. Gazing over the bare metal, forged into the shape of a beautiful woman, made his skin feel far damper than it should. He could still recall how his pulse raced when he studied every tiny detail of her beautiful face, making sure that every piece fit together properly.  
The silence was broken by the sound of the lab door being forced open. The door was large and heavy, perfect for giving him plenty of privacy, and so none of the crazed robots ever got out while he was fighting them.  
Equius closed the door behind him, and turned on the light switch. Even with the overhead lights, the room was weakly illuminated, but his eyes were used to it. From the murky corners, broken robots stared into nothingness. Their chrome hides so beaten and worn they barely reflected any of the scarce light.  
After cycles of working in the gloom, Equius had become used to the scent of blood and oil mixed together. It was almost a comforting smell now. This was where he didn't have to worry about being scrutinized or judged, and he didn't have to hold back. Well, not as much as he normally did.  
In the middle of the quiet room was a newly relocated work bench. A tarp covered the stained and worn surface, and his current project. With trembling hands, Equius tugged the tarp off, taking care not to jostle the figure beneath it.  
The shower had been a good idea. Cold water to wash away the oil and sweat, along with those unwanted feelings she always gave him. Even in death Aradia was quite tempting.  
Despite the gloom and darkness, her body shone brightly, every pleasant curve heightened and highlighted. For a moment, Equius couldn't believe that he had built her. Who could create such beauty and perfection? She wasn't even finished, and yet she overwhelmed him.  
Biting his lip, Equius forced himself to look closer, past the glowing glamour she had cast upon him. Now he could see tiny imperfections, joints that had to be reinforced, bolts that needed to be tightened, even fingerprints that he needed to wipe away. Grabbing a clean rag from a nearby tool box, Equius sat down next to the robot, and began to polish the metal. Prudently, he started with her shoulders.  
"If she wasn't fellow nobility, I doubt I could tolerate Vriska." Equius said conversationally as he ran the cloth over her.  
He frowned, "I'm not sure why I am telling you this in your current state. You lack a functioning hearing apparatus."  
Shoulders slumping, Equius considered his situation with some feelings of unease. He was talking to a robot, not even that, an empty shell of one, so familiarly. Was he slowly going mad? Would he soon lose his grip on reality and become like someone else he knew and was disgusted by?  
Sure, he had talked to his robots on other occasions, but he was never serious. He didn't think he had been serious just now, that wasn't what bothered him. This time he felt, it felt… pleasant. Almost like talking with Nepeta to a certain extent.  
Equius sighed; maybe he just needed some sleep. It was no use getting worked up over something he couldn't even put his finger on.  
"If you could talk, or simply listen, I'm sure you would agree." Equius continued, experimenting with this new situation the way he used to prod at the space of a missing tooth, "Being exterminated by someone would not likely endear you to them."  
Equius stopped polishing the robot, and began using the rag as a towel, dabbing at his forehead. This was confusing; it went against everything he knew. No, he would just have to keep telling himself that what he knew was the only truth.  
"Even so, you cannot fault Vriska for ending your life. You were harassing her, and she had every right to kill you." Equius said.  
His voice remained calm and level, even though his gut writhed. He hated this; he hated it more than anything. Even in death this gutter blood made him question the beliefs he had held onto since he was a young.  
Equius gripped the table to keep his hands from trembling. Even though it was made from some of the strongest material on Alternia, his fingers still left indents in the metal. He studied his white knuckles, unable to look at the body before him.  
He didn't want to examine his rage, his hatred. The thought that it might be aimed at the dead girl was horrible, even if it was the natural order of things. Worse was the thought that his loathing was aimed at the caste system, such a thought made him sick to his stomach. Perhaps it was just be self-loathing. However, none of the options were helping him, or Aradia.  
"But, if you had been of higher breeding…" Equius continued, trying to control his breathing, he could feel his chest becoming less tight and painful, "Then maybe I could sympathize with you."  
Should he try to empathize with her? Could he let himself make excuses for a rust blood, and pity her? Even if he gave her his blood, she would still have been born a peasant, and rising above one caste was unheard of.  
Equius finally looked at her again, and his breath caught. Aradia looked so peaceful, as if she were tucked away in her recuperacoon. How could he ever hate anyone so beautiful, and elegant?  
For a moment, something more dreadful then the thought of loving a rust blood came to mind. What if, after all this, after he truly fell in love with this beautiful body, and the soul that would be bound to it, Aradia would not return his affection? Even if she became a fellow blue blood, the heart he made for her might not hold feelings for him.  
There was no rage as he felt his body tremble, only bleakness. He had gotten everything with his high place in society, but what if it wasn't enough for her, the woman too dear for him.  
Fighting back tears, Equius took Aradia's hand in his, and placed it over his chest. Even through his clothes, the metal was cold against his burning flesh. It was pleasant, more so than simply talking to her. He trembled as he moved her hand to his face, dully aware that deluded blue tears were mixing with sweat. Did she really mean that much to him? Was he really crying because of her? Was the thought of her feeling nothing towards him was simply too much to endure?  
Maybe he was on the road to madness. Could he blame her for it? The task of drawing his own blood might be taking its toll. Or maybe it was just that he needed some sleep. Either way, this woman was at the center of his confusion. It was her fault, but could not hate her for it.  
Equius suddenly realized how tightly he was holding Aradia's hand. He opened his mouth to apologize, his mind racing for ways to repair the damage. After looking over her hand, he slowly realized that no damaged had been done. There were no marks or blemishes on it, aside from his sweat and tears, which would have to be wiped away.  
"You are quite strong, Miss Megido." Equius said his expression softening as he placed her hand at her side.  
Standing, Equius began to search for another clean rag. He knew he should wipe her down then leave, and stop bothering himself with this insanity. It was unhealthy. However, a strange fancy came into his mind, and he was pretty sure that it would stay with him until he sated it.  
After scanning the room, Equius threw sanity to the wind. Could it really hurt to turn a blind eye to reality for but a moment? Just a moment.  
Carefully, as necessary habits die hard, Equius took Aradia in his arms. Although he had no difficulty lifting her, he found the weight to be solid and comforting. For so long he had hardly touched anyone else, and when he did, he nearly always hurt them.  
Her head was resting against his shoulder, as if she were nuzzling his neck. Long, dark hair fell down her back and his arms chaotically, strands gently disturbed by his breath. A strong hand cradled her lower back, while his other arm was around her shoulders.  
It was foolish to pretend, but that's what he did. Right now, Aradia was getting used to her new body. Even though it was beautiful and strong, she was still disoriented and needed help getting used to it.  
Yes, that worked. Equius would be the one to aid her, she needed someone like him. Someone who knew about machines and could help her understand her new body. Someone who could hold her, and tell her everything would be okay.  
"It's alright, my dear, everything shall turn out right." Equius muttered nuzzling her, careful of her elegantly curled horns, "I shall always be here for you, whenever you need comfort or to be held. I swear that you shall never be alone, beloved Aradia."  
Closing his eyes, Equius buried his face in her shoulder, the hug changing from one comforting to that of someone in need of comfort. His thick sunglass slid off his face, and felt to the floor with a small clatter. Equius paid them no mind as he cuddled against the empty robot, half crazed for contact.  
He wasn't sure how long he stood there, clutching the robot tightly to him. It was longer than he had wanted to stay down there, that was a definite.  
Without a word, he released her, and placed her back on the table. Light glistened off the spots of sweat he had left on her. Equius located another rag in the tool box, and began to wipe it away.  
More than anything, he wanted to complete her. Even if it was wrong to have feelings for her, even if it was foolish. The only thing that frightened him now was if she didn't feel anything for him. Aradia had no idea how she tortured him, and she might never know.  
Sighing, Equius brushed a wayward strand of hair from her face. Lying there, she looked like a sleeping princess, or something from a commoners fairy-tale. He would wake her someday; sadly it probably wouldn't involve a kiss.  
Looking away, Equius tried to think of something else, something that wasn't so distracting or intoxicating. He should try to talk to Nepeta, she might be worried about him. She even offered to come all the way to his hive and help him. Even if she didn't he was still touched by her offer. Instead, he promised his moirail he would not over exert himself, which he had come close to breaking.  
After he washed away the grime, Equius laid the tarp over the chassis. For a moment wanted to say something, like a good bye, or good morning, but decided against it. He wasn't that insane, at least, not yet.


End file.
